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Black_Sky_Dawn
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Name: Jeff
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: San Jose
Birthday: 12/18/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Metal, Rock, Techno, Classical, Jazz, some Anime music...video games, computer games, movies, Paganism, Wicca...dunno what else to say...
Expertise: Writing novels, music, playing video games...
Message: message me
AIM:  Riptor X1
AIM:  Volroth Ner
MSN: jrdmp@msn.com
Yahoo:  Luciear_Vaskoru@yahoo.com
Yahoo:  Neko_Luciear_Vaskoru@yahoo.com
Member Since:
11/17/2005
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| So...where do I begin?
Well, since Christmas and the whole big
disassociation thing that happened, I've been dealing rather badly. For
a while at least I was.
Come the new year, things changed.
I
found myself within a hospital not too long ago. What happened was I
was job hunting (cause I got fired), then I stopped off in Downtown
Campbell to see a few people. Luckily, one of the people I wanted to
see was there. Woot.
Not long after we were heading towards the
hospital, Santa Clara Valley Medical Center, for some info on programs
I could use for my mental issues. Then the fun started.
She hadn't
even finished parking when a panic attack the size of Texas hit me.
Couple that with a flood of memories I didn't know I had. Places,
people, feelings, sounds, every sense I had was overloaded. And it
didn't stop there.
After pseudo-getting under control, we made our
way to the hospital to continue with the whole thing. Then, about
halfway to the door, my mind snaps. I enter a disassociative fit that
breaks down my sanity. From what I was told, I didn't even know my own
name. It was bad. And, because i was at the hospital, I get committed
for a while.
5 and a half days of being stuck in a boring as sin
place with only one person I really even talked to. Not fun. Not to
mention puking a few times from the medications I had to take. Crappy
food, strange company, and a lack of outside contact except for
visiting hours. It sucked a whole lot.
yes, I've been calling it a
stay at an asylum but it makes sense to me because an a asylum is a
mental health hospital. Which is where I was, at least the building
was...
But I finally know what the fuck is wrong with me and why
I feel the way I do! I'm bipolar, as per my diagnosis at the hospital.
Well, Bipolar with Schizophrenic tendencies. Which explains more than
any other one i came up with
.And now I'm on medication which is
keeping all the shit in my head normal. It's still strange to me to not
hear anything or shit like that. But I'm enjoying it a whole lot.
On
a different note, I'm moving in with a friend and his girlfriend. Shane
and Lizzy. Good people. Just moved two boxes (one of books, one of
mostly videos, some books, and all my video game discs) and a suit case
thing full of clothes. All in all, not too bad. that is most of the
heavy shit anyways.
Well, wish me luck! | | |
| fuck
fuck
fuck
FUCK
i'm pretty much screwed
finacially anyways
still in major debt
the job i'm working at doesnt pay enough
running out of time to look for a better one before the move
my work comp shit ends soon
then i can go back to work
not gonna help much
feels like the noose is tied sometimes
fucking hell
hate this shit
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| Man...it's been a while since I frakkin updated. Still no clue as to when the fuck we're gonna move.
Still no clue where either.
Livermore, Pleasinton, Dublin, Tracy...
So much stress from this... Still workin for Big Lots.
I've been workin in the furnature department for a few months now.
Good work, for me at least.
Though I sprained the shit outta my neck on the 12th.
Prolly goin back to work Saturday. My cousin pretty much moved in this week.
He's been stayin here on and off for a while now.
But since his best friend went into the military not to long ago, his home city has become suckage. Money is gonna be tight for a few.
Not sure how it's gonna get resolved, or my part to play in it.
Then again, I never really know. Sigh.
Talked to an ex of mine tonight.
Fuckin pulled on my heartstrings.
I still love her.
...doubt she loves me.
...
...
...fuck... | | |
| I keep forgetting to update here...
my bad...
Anyways, life has been interesting.
Hearing talk of moving again, which makes me panic.
Sandra's 'rediscovered her faith' as it were, and got baptised again. (3rd time I think she's done that in her life)
And now two of her kids, Destinee and David Micheal, are now baptized.
I was there with them when the kids were.
They had asked me, and since I didn't work that day, I went.
My dreams have become rather strange lately.
Silent Hill is an everpresent theme.
But it varies between subtle and platantly obvious.
The only thing I haven't encountered is Pyramid Head.
I find it both a blessing and a curse that I haven't.
Then again, if I do, I'm not sure whether I'll encounter the movie version or the original from Silent Hill 2.
Gah...I hate work sometimes.
I got screwed on my hours this week.
I have only two days of work, Tuesday and today (Thursday), for a total of 10 fucking hours!
10 hours!
Blarhg...
Fucking work...
Speaking of, I need to jet so I can get ready.
Peace out. | | |
| Well, I've been single now for almost 2 1/2 months.
Amber broke up with me and got back with her ex-boyfriend Roy.
That really hurt.
So here I am, wondering what the fuck I'm gonna do in that aspect of life.
I gots me a job.
Been there since June 12th.
I'm getting promoted to the furnater department soon.
My training starts Wednesday.
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